I sat and watched his sweet little face, nestled against my breast...safe and satisfied and my heart overflowed with love for this little boy.
I used to not cherish and stop and enjoy the everyday moments of my children. I'd grown to just speed through the day, trying to get everything accomplished that I felt needed to be done. Then along came Lucas, the last of 6 babies and that all changed. My heart breaks when I realize the enormity of him. He is the last, the last chance I have of reveling in all the normal baby love I had taken for granted. It won't be repeated. And that gives me a sense of overwhelming sadness, but there is something else. Gratitude. Thankfulness that I have learned to slow down, stop and appreciate, stop and watch and listen, but most of all enjoy.
I realize too, that all these other little monkeys running around here won't be here forever. They will grow up and become adults, not be so needy, and noisy and well, all the things little kids do to drive you mad. I want them to remember a childhood filled with love and fun and the presence of their parents. I don't want them to think their mother had an extra electronic appendage attached to her hand (lol, cell phones drive me crazy!!) I want to focus not on the outside world, but this one little special, sweet, messy world that I call mine.
You see, you can't create that dream childhood you have in your head for your children being so preoccupied with all those other obligations you think you must attend to. Phones, schedules, work, cleaning. Yes, it all has to be done, taken care of, but not at the loss to our children. I often found that when I did have free time, I didn't spend it playing with my children. I spent it trying to keep them from messing up the house I had just cleaned. Kids are kids, they are messy and I had to get over it.
I admit I post pictures all the time on FB and I take tons of everyday pictures of my kids. Our family is far from us, so its a way to connect our everyday with them. To let them see their grandkids. We often live our lives via these social sites..."look at me", "look at what I am doing with my kids today".....it shouldn't be about keeping up with the Jones' or proving to anyone that you are a great parent because you took your kids here there and everywhere. Focus on the moment. Forget the pictures. Forget sharing. Relish in the time with you kids. Listen to them.
For me, it's all about being PRESENT for my children. I'm not better than a cardboard cutout standing in the kitchen if I'm only present to them physically. I have to connect with them on all levels, physical, emotional, and mental. Then maybe that dream childhood I have for them just may come true.