Monday, September 29, 2014

my fake smile

I feel like I should make a fake smiley face, glue it on a popsicle stick and hold it up to my head.  That's how smiley I feel lately.  I am just so frustrated.  Frustrated that I feel stuck in the mud, that I am confined into this little life I am not happy with.  Sad that I can't live the life I want, do the things I want to do.  Live the life I planned.  I tell myself God has me here for a reason.  A purpose.  I know I just feel like I could be so much more useful at home.  I am happy at home.  I hate being away from it.  I want to be with my kids.  I want to be awake for my kids, lol. It is sometimes so overwhelming to day in and day out hear about how sick people are, to hear their woes.  It's like there is no ray of sunshine in that whole place.  Everybody complains, me too!  I am doing it right now.  I am just so frustrated.  I need to focus on the good.  It's hard though.  My fuse is short there and at home and I am just downright unhappy.  I want to homestead my little plot here and I feel like I can't because other people aren't pulling their weight.  I always seem to feel like someone else is keeping me from it, or is that my excuse?  I don't know.  I'm tired of always being the one who has to come up with the plan.  How about if someone else be the grown up for a while?  I am a micromanager though.  So it's hard.  I want to give it up, but I can't.  lol  what a dilemma that is. 

What would it take to make me truly happy?  How could I achieve it? 

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