Monday, January 26, 2015


I have this pull deep inside of me to alter this course I am on.  The pull is from someplace I cannot identify, eternal maybe?  It pulls me nonetheless, directing me, guiding me into another life..perhaps the life I am supposed to be leading.  I always imagined that our existence here was not by chance and haphazard.  I do believe that we are all here for a reason, small pieces combining together to create a giant puzzle board.  Every emotion, occurrence, person playing a role in the end result.  These words pull me right now.


I don't want to admit it, but I have anxiety.  The more I am battered by outside influences, the media, background noise the worse it gets.  I long so badly for the silence of morning coffee on the deck.  Undisturbed.  I barely watch tv anymore and could entirely live without it. Computer, eh, not yet.


I ache to create things.  Useful things, pretty things.  No matter.  Just to make something with my own two hands.  I used to be so creative but it's been stifled.  This monster must be released.


There is so much noise.  I mean useless noise.  Silence is so beautiful.  Nature is never truly silent but it's so different from tech noise.


I love how things feel.  Babies skin, fuzzy pajamas.  We rush and forget how things feel.


I have a huge open heart for any music.  I always wished I learned how to play an instrument, or better yet, sing.  I love it all.


There needs to be meaning in our daily lives.  Are we just passing through here or should we be leaving a mark.  What should we be teaching our children.   I am so overtly disgusted with how life is now, what am I doing to change it?

I long for a simpler life.  I imagine that I believe life in the 70's was so peaceful, but I know it was because I had less responsibility. 

What am I doing?

My daily manifesto:

Life my life with purpose for God.
Spend more time with my family and friends and less at work.
Give up non essential things.
Grow unconditional love.
Show kindness always.

My year word is :  kindness.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Frozen atthe Library!

Tonight I took the kids (minus the camera, so no pics lol) to the Statesboro Library to watch "Frozen".  I thought I could steal about 2 hours of quiet reading time, but Madi had other plans and would not allow me to leave the childrens room!  So I watched Frozen for like the billionth time and I cried at the end too!

New Years Resolutions and such...

It is January 15 today...seems I am a little late for the New Years Resolution thing, huh? Well, I've been mulling this one over and it's taken a bit of time. 

I know there are parts of my life I don't love so much, parts of me too.  Like as much as I love being organized, its more of an obsession.  Things have to be where they belong or it makes me anxious.  Lol.  That sounds so ridiculous, but it's so true!  I have all these crafty ideas, but I never get to them because I am too worried about the mess it will make, or I end of thinking I have to re organize everything before I start!  So there's one resolution. 

1. Stop worrying about the mess and just enjoy the process!!

My relationship with my kids, this is a biggie! I'm a put downer.  I feel like I am constantly reprimanding them, telling them what to do or how to do it better.  I don't feel like we have any fun together.  I mean, we do, but it's also interspersed with me correcting them or reminding them to clean up after themselves, put things away.  Or me yelling because I am stressed to the limit.  I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.  I want them to love being around me and I want it to show how much I enjoy being around them.  I want them to know that I love them unconditionally, not because they behaved a certain way.  I want to be their biggest fan, their biggest encourager.  I want to life them up, not put them down.  so....

2.  Enjoy my kids everyday and speak kind and encouraging words to them.

I have a huge sarcastic streak that at times can be useful, but then it blends over into a negative mood and it's not so nice.  I am judgemental and sometimes downright mean.  I don't want to be that.  I guess I fall into it because I think people don't always do their part and since I am a control freak (yes I said it!) I gauge other peoples worth by how much like me they are.  Again, very silly. I know I am not anywhere near perfect, but I am confident and perceived weakness is a big problem for me.  So that leads me to #3,,,,

3:  Embrace my own imperfection and accept people as they are. 

All of these fall into the biggest resolution and that one is to just BE POSITIVE despite circumstances.  Don't freak out, don't yell, don't blame everyone around you.  Jut keep on keeping on.  I waste more time worrying about stuff and replaying it in my head, and keeping tabs on who did what that it's sickening.  Who cares?  At the end of the day, who really cares?  I don't want it to be me.  I'm not keeping score. 

4:  Positive mood.

and that's it!