Monday, January 26, 2015


I have this pull deep inside of me to alter this course I am on.  The pull is from someplace I cannot identify, eternal maybe?  It pulls me nonetheless, directing me, guiding me into another life..perhaps the life I am supposed to be leading.  I always imagined that our existence here was not by chance and haphazard.  I do believe that we are all here for a reason, small pieces combining together to create a giant puzzle board.  Every emotion, occurrence, person playing a role in the end result.  These words pull me right now.


I don't want to admit it, but I have anxiety.  The more I am battered by outside influences, the media, background noise the worse it gets.  I long so badly for the silence of morning coffee on the deck.  Undisturbed.  I barely watch tv anymore and could entirely live without it. Computer, eh, not yet.


I ache to create things.  Useful things, pretty things.  No matter.  Just to make something with my own two hands.  I used to be so creative but it's been stifled.  This monster must be released.


There is so much noise.  I mean useless noise.  Silence is so beautiful.  Nature is never truly silent but it's so different from tech noise.


I love how things feel.  Babies skin, fuzzy pajamas.  We rush and forget how things feel.


I have a huge open heart for any music.  I always wished I learned how to play an instrument, or better yet, sing.  I love it all.


There needs to be meaning in our daily lives.  Are we just passing through here or should we be leaving a mark.  What should we be teaching our children.   I am so overtly disgusted with how life is now, what am I doing to change it?

I long for a simpler life.  I imagine that I believe life in the 70's was so peaceful, but I know it was because I had less responsibility. 

What am I doing?

My daily manifesto:

Life my life with purpose for God.
Spend more time with my family and friends and less at work.
Give up non essential things.
Grow unconditional love.
Show kindness always.

My year word is :  kindness.

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